I still remember the moment. My son had just recieved a gift, and when he opened it, it was not was he was expecting, and he burst into tears. “THAT’S NOT what I wanted!” Oh boy. Embarassed, I stumbled over my words, face hot, trying to smooth it over for the gift-giver. She was so gracious, but we clearly had work to do.
No parent ever wants to be in a situation where their child reacts hurtfully to a well-intentioned gesture. No parent wants an ungrateful child, but kids are kids. Unfiltered and brutally honest, they have no problem telling you if your breath smells or your present sucks. So how do we teach grace and gratitude to our children? How do we teach them thankfulness and thoughfulness? It’s not as easy as a simple behaviour modification strategy. Matters of the heart and attitude take more time and energy, but if we’re intentional, it doesn’t have to be rocket science either.
Like most qualities of character, teaching our children to have an attitude of thanksgiving requires a long-game perspective. It’s not a one-and-done conversation. We have not learned this perfectly by any means, but when we have a set back, (which we do… regularly!), we don’t give up! We have the conversation again. And again. And again. Because honestly, we are all a work in progress, and I still need to have this conversation with myself, again. And again. And again.
Listed here are 5 ways that we purposefully teach thanfulness to our kids (and ourselves):
Practice Recieving Gifts Graciously
After my son’s embarassing reaction to his unwanted gift, we realized we needed to be more purposeful in teaching our kids not only how to be thankful, but why.
I collected up a few random objects from around the house. Some toys, some kitchen utensils, etc. and wrapped them. Then we practiced recieving gifts graciously. We practiced reactions to gifts we like, and we practiced reactions to gifts we didn’t:
*Smile* “Thank you for this thoughtful gift!”
Define What Gifts Really Are
This practice also included lots of conversations about what a gift really is. A gift is a kind and thoughtful gesture someone makes to show their care for you. When someone gives us a gift, it means “I love you! I care about you! I was thinking of you!” The real gift is the affection of the giver toward the reciever.
Sometimes someone gives us a gift that doesn’t seem well suited to us or our preferences, and we may not feel especially thankful for it, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be thankful for the heart behind the gift.
We talked about how I reacted to the picture he had drawn me. How it felt when I smiled and expressed my thanks and pleasure. We talked about how it would have felt if I had yelled and cried that I didn’t like the picture, and it wasn’t the colours I like.
Slowly but surely, he started to see how thankfulness was about the person, the heart and the connection, and never about the object.
Make A Regular Practice Of Giving As A Family
No one has unlimited resources, but everyone can give something.
Time. Energy. Money. Food. Donations of toys and/or household items. Even if all of these things are limited for us, we can still be generous with our kindess, our encouragement, and our forgiveness.
“Look how God has given us more than we need! And it feels wonderful to be able to share that with others.”
Demonstrate Your Own Thankfulness Often
When I was a little girl, I remember that everytime I went somewhere with my Nana, she would always thank the Lord out loud for every small convenience that would be so easy to overlook:
When we found a great parking space… “Thank you, Lord!”
When we needed change for a parking meter and weren’t sure if we had enough, but found extra change in the car…. “Thank you, Lord!”
When we happened upon a great sale… “Thank you, Lord!”
Hearing my Nana be so purposeful about giving the Lord credit for every little ‘good’ thing demonstrated a mentality of abundance, rather than scarcity. She didn’t take any of those ‘little things’ for granted.
To this day, when I snag an awesome parking spot, I think of my Nana and say out loud, “Thank you, Lord!”
Be Specific In Prayer
When our kids were smaller and we were still tucking them in at night, our routine included a prayer time. But instead of giving general thanks for the “gift of another day,” we would be specific about a particular thing we were thankful for that day, and ask them to think of one as well:
Sunshine for the park.
Rain for the grass.
The freedom to gather with our church family.
The grocery shop we were able to do.
A new friend we had made.
Even on the hard days full of failures and tantrums, we made sure to thank the Lord for the gift of that child in our family. We thanked him for his love that never fails, his patience that never ends, his grace that is always enough, and his mercies that are new every morning. Every day is a fresh start.
Why should we be thankful?
Oh my, but there are so many reasons! I could write pages and pages of reasons, but for the sake of our precious children’s short attention spans, here are just a few:
Thankfulness reveals the heart
Our capacity for gratitude is a relfection of the state of our hearts. Matthew 12:34 says “For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
I’m reminded of Corrie and Betsy Ten Boom in a Nazi concentration camp. When their bunker was full of flees, Betsy thanked God, because the flees kept the soldiers out, which meant they were able to have prayer and Bible studies without being caught.
Just this one act of gratitude alone tells us volumes about the kind of woman Betsy was!
Thankfulness nurtures the soul by freeing the mind
Just like Betsy Ten Boom, even in the darkest places, we can close our eyes and meditate on what we are thankful for. Instead of a place of torment, our minds can become a refuge of beauty and freedom!
Thankfulness cultivates a heart of peace
If comparison is the theif of joy, then thankfulness is the mother of contentment. Contentment not only crowds out envy, but is a catalyst for peace.
Thankfulness encourages and blesses others
My husband’s grandfather had a catch phrase: “Wonderful! Just wonderful!” and he would say it about the funniest things, like the hotdog cart outside the Home Depot. You could get a hotdog and a pop for only $2! And it was “wonderful! Just wonderful!” Of course we would chuckle and tease him about it, but the truth is that he was being genuine, and we knew it. Just being in his presence filled our buckets. We always left our visits with him feeling full, encouraged and loved.
This is what gratitude does. It spills over and fills the people around us. Hope and joy are the gifts that gratitude offers not only ourselves, but those around us. Something this world sorely needs, and it’s contagious in the best possible way.
Thankfulness leaves a legacy
Just like my Nana, and my husband’s Grandpa, establishing rythmns, patterns and examples of a thankful heart are the things our children and their children will remember us for and pattern themselves after. Legacies are not left by rules or instructions. They are made by genuine example.
How do we want our children and grandchildren to remember us?
What should I be thankful for?
I sat down with my kids and together we compiled this list of 100 things we can be thankful for. And here are some pretty thankfulness cards you can download and print out to write down some of your own ideas! Punch a hole through the top and string a ribbon through them to hang up, use as bookmarks, or display them in a pretty bowl or tray on your coffee table. Have a blessed thanksgiving season, my friends!