I’m not usually one to buy clothes with words or phrases on them, but recently I saw a sweatshirt in a local store that stopped me short. In a simple, typeface font, it said “I cried today.” For this deeply emotional, easy-tears girl, it resonated deeply.
I’ve always been hyper-sensitive, not only to my own emotional state, but also to those around me. I don’t just feel my own big feelings deeply, but I absorb the emotions of others around me, especially pain, like a giant sponge. I can’t watch the news. I have to be careful what books I read or what movies I watch because I’m so easily overwhelmed by the suffering of others that it can affect my ability to function in my own life. I can experience a myriad of feelings, often simultaneously, before 10 in the morning! “Mixed feelings” seems to be my factory setting. Maybe you can relate?
Have You Been Told You’re “Too Sensitive?”
All my life I’ve been told I’m “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” “too easily affected,” usually by people who couldn’t understand my frequent emotional crises, and I needed to “get myself together,” or “get my feelings under control.” And although it was true, I did need to get my emotions under control, rather than being controlled by them, no one was ever able to tell me how to do that! No matter how hard I tried, every feeling I had would take up all the space in my body. Of course, now we know that there are many people, called empaths, who feel the suffering of others far beyond what is typical, but it wasn’t until a few years ago that I first heard the term “highly sensitive person” and without even hearing the definition knew instinctively that it described me.
Do you tear up easily during worship, or even just emotional songs on the radio? Or maybe you’ve felt an overwhelming urge to comfort someone sharing their testimony, even if you didn’t know them well? Are you comfortable just being present with people who are hurting, without feeling like you need to “fix it?” If you’ve ever wondered if something is wrong with you because you are more deeply affected by almost everything than the people around you, then you might be a highly sensitive person too, and here’s the beautiful news— not only is there nothing “wrong” with you, your sensitivity is a divine reflection of God’s image in you, Christ’s very nature, and a gift to the world!
What Is A Highly Sensitive Person?
In her book, The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aron explains high sensitivity as a trait, (like handedness), present in about 10-15% of the population, what this trait looks like for people who have it, and why it’s important. Highly sensitive people differ from others in four core ways:
- We process information and our environment more deeply
- We are more easily over-stimulated
- We are more emotionally reactive/empathic, and
- We’re more perceptive to subtleties, (like tastes/smells or non-verbal cues in social settings)
A Biblical Context For High Sensitivity
For many years we attended a church that placed a high value on apologetics and theological “rightness,” and a very low value, (bordering on contempt!), on emotionality. Emotional experiences were viewed as spiritually manipulative, immature, and inferior to a solid, rational, and well-studied theological argument. Emotional = irrational. After all, “the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked,” therefore emotions are deceitful and desperately wicked.
But this is not a biblical framework for the emotionality of humans, made in the image of God. Although it’s true that yes, we are to be in control of our emotions, (not the other way around), and not swayed or driven by them, the presence of feelings does not negate presence of mind. David, the Prophets, even Jesus himself, were all deeply emotional, moved by the message and presence of God and the grief and suffering around them, yet all of them heard from God clearly and mirrored his own heart for people.
Over and over again throughout the gospels, we see Jesus frequently express emotion: anger at religious hypocrisy (Luke 19:45-46), grief in loss (John 11:31-36), anguish in anxiety (Matthew 16:36-39). The shortest, and yet arguably one of the more profound verses in the Bible is John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” Yet, we don’t call Jesus, God in the flesh, “irrational!”
The “Imageo Dei” Of A HSP
Made in God’s image, our ability to feel deeply and express our feelings is every bit as much of a reflection of who God is as our ability to think and reason. Throughout the scriptures, and in particular the Old Testament, we encounter an emotional God, yet God is never irrational. If we truly believe that we are made in God’s image, as He says we are, then our own emotionality must be every bit as much a reflection of who He is as our rationality is. As His image bearers, we have the capacity to be both emotional and rational simultaneously. They are not mutually exclusive!
Spiritual Gifts and Strengths of the Highly Sensitive Person
Empathy, discernment, wisdom, and mercy are all common giftings among highly sensitive people. Because they process things more deeply and thoroughly by default, they are more likely to have thought through any number of situations and issues from multiple perspectives. Processed through a prayerful and biblical lens, a highly sensitive believer is likely to have mature and nuanced insight. And, because they are so deeply compassionate, HSPs in the church often make wonderful pastors and shepherds as they can intuitively discern and meet the emotional and spiritual needs of the body. Their insights during Bible studies, heartfelt prayers, and innate ability to comfort those who are hurting are blessings to any congregation!
Challenges in Ministry as an HSP
Because HSPs are so deeply compassionate, it is easy for them to become overwhelmed by the pain and suffering of others and find it challenging to function appropriately in their own lives. I remember years ago, early in our marriage when my son was only a few months old, someone close to us had suffered a profound loss. My own grief for their loss was so intense that for several days I could barely get out of bed. This was frustrating and hard to understand, both for me and also for my husband since it was so far beyond what is reasonable, even for generally compassionate people! I felt like there must be something wrong with me, and felt shame that I couldn’t “get it together.” In the years since, I have learned how to allow space for myself to have a feeling, and then let it go, and how to hold the suffering of others without absorbing it as my own.
HSPs in ministry also need more rest than others. Having minds and bodies that are constantly taking in every subtle detail of our environment, feeling it, processing it, and then responding to it, takes a huge physical toll, and we just exhaust our energy capacity faster and sooner than others. It’s like having a phone with only half the battery capacity of everyone else’s phones, and then streaming concert videos on it all day, every day!
Because of their deep empathy, people are often drawn to HSPs and feel safe sharing their struggles and hidden thoughts with them. It is such a gift and an honour to be trusted with another person’s heart! But because of this we are vulnerable to compassion fatigue (it’s a real thing!), so time alone and/or quiet space is needed for an HSP to recharge. It’s not a character issue or a spiritual shortcoming, it’s simply what our bodies need to be well, and will need different boundaries in our lives to accomplish this! Goodness, how I wish I’d understood this years ago! I would have been a healthier version of myself so much sooner and would have caused a lot less hurt to my people!
Conclusion
If you are a highly sensitive person, or love someone who is, be encouraged that this trait, although it is indeed a cross to bear, is also a great gift! Instead of trying to stuff down your big feelings, (and turning yourself into a pressure cooker!), stand quietly and let yourself feel them for a few minutes, and when they subside, (they always do), set them to side and go about your day. I have found this breath prayer to be helpful when I’m feeling someone else’s pain:
Inhale: You are close to the broken hearted
Exhale: You heal them and bind up their wounds
Inhale: The eternal God is our refuge
Exhale: and underneath are the everlasting arms
Inhale: His burden is easy
Exhale: and his yoke is light
These little breath prayers remind me that although I feel my friend’s pain as though it were my own, it’s not. Jesus is with them as much as he is with me, and it is his job to heal them, not mine. It also helps me remember when I am overwhelmed, that he is in control of all things, and no burden is too much for him. We are not alone friend, though this world feels so heavy for us, we hope in the one who bears all things, and he is making all things new… even you and me.