What We Owe Martha, and How To Sit At Jesus’ Feet With Kids In Your Hair

Can I tell you a secret? The account of Jesus visiting the home of Mary and Martha in Luke chapter 10 has always bothered me. Ok fine, not just “bothered” me… flat out irritated me. There. I said it. It grates.

It feels like Jesus is being unfair to Martha. Isn’t he, the creator of the universe, the one who knit Martha together in her mother’s womb, isn’t he the one who made her who she is? Wasn’t her “get-it-done” personality his doing? And now he’s chastizing her for being who he wired her to be? And also, I am Martha, and this feels pretty darn personal. I could practically hear the Lord “tsk, tsk”ing me everytime I read it, for an aspect of myself that not only do I not like, but also can’t seem to change.

It took me a long time to admit to myself how this passage made me feel, let alone admitting it to the Lord. And plus, how nice for Mary to get to just camp out and relax in the living room with the guest, leaving Martha do everything by herself! (Typical last born….eyeroll).

Finally, a little over a year ago, I told the Lord the truth about how I felt about this encounter: “Lord, why didn’t you just take Martha by the hand and tell her everything would be fine, that you would look after it, and it was ok for her to just sit with you? It feels unkind and unfair, yet I know that you are never unkind, or unfair. What am I missing? What am I not seeing about you? Please explain!” And then I let the question mark hang in the air.

Several months later I heard the voice of Graham Cooke through my earbuds: “Peace and rest are your right in Christ Jesus. I’ll say it again… Peace and rest are your right in Christ Jesus!”

That took a while to sink in. A “right,” is something to which we have just claim. It is something that is due us. It is an entitlement, something we are owed by others.

Peace and rest are your right in Christ Jesus. ~Graham Cooke

A new picture of this exchange between Martha and Jesus came into my mind. He was not standing with his hands on his hips, or wagging his finger at her. His hand was stretched out toward her. I could see his kind expression, hear the inflection in his voice. Gentleness, patience, reassurance. He was not chastizing her. He was inviting her. And perhaps even more importantly, empowering her.

When Jesus said “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her,” he did not mean YOU can’t take this away from her, naughty Martha! He meant that it pleased him that Mary was claiming her right to rest and peace in his presence, not allowing obligations or expectations to rob her. And Martha, you have this right too! Rest in my presence is rightfully yours because I have given it to you! So come! Stake your claim on it! And don’t let anything steal from you what you are entitled to have in me!

I’m sure this is not a profoud revelation to many, but to me it was! I felt like a suffregette who just won the right to vote! (An exaggeration? Maybe a little, but my inner monologue’s affinity for hyperbole is part of my charm) 😉

My thinking about how I ordered my life, how I planned my days, how I parented, what I say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to and how I say ‘yes’ and ‘no’, it all started changing.

And for a while, it was going pretty well. I was juuuuuuust starting to find a rhythmn, juuuuuust starting to find my place at the well, and get comfortable there… and then…. COVID. Good bye, quiet time! So long, personal space! Well, Lord, it was nice while it lasted…

I now had 3 high-energy, high-needs kids all up in my bid’ness all the live long day. every. day.

It took me a few weeks to remember that quiet time with the Lord is a right that I am entitled to, and claiming it is something I need model for my children by loving insisence. So, like any new habit, we’ve been “practicing” and have developed the following habits:

1.Be clear about the block of time and why you need it.

I explained to my kids why this time was so important for me and how it affected the kind of mom I could be. My kids can tell time so we look at the clock together so they know when an hour is up. If your kids can’t tell time, you can set a timer. A friend of mine used to light a candle. As long as the candle is lit, don’t talk to mom. We started with 20 minutes of “uninterrupted” quiet time some days, and have now worked up to an hour to an hour and a half most days. It also took a while to clearly define what constitutes “uninterrupted” as well as all possible caveats/scenerios which would be appropriately categorized as “emergencies” (if it involves blood or fire, in case you were wondering…).

2. Be realistic about what your kids can do.

My two older children both have ADHD and my youngest can’t read yet, so I have learned that in order for me to have quiet time without chaos and fighting, I need to let my children be on screens during this time, and I am ok with that. The fact is that what they are allowed to watch is a short list, and between school work, walking the dog and chores, they’re not on screens all day. But, during this time of school closures and gathering restrictions, they are using screens more than usual. This is temporary. They’ll be ok. Take a deep breath and have grace for yourself. It’s better for them to have an extra 60ish minutes of a safe, parent-approved show and a rested, peaceful mom, then less screen time, but an axious exhausted mom who is constantly aggitated with them. (I’ll mention here that we are also working on the kids having a block of quiet time without screens each day as well, but not at the same time or for as long).

3. Be realistic about what you can do.

I am not a morning person. I can’t even form clear sentences before 10 a.m. and at least 2 cups of coffee. Unfortunately, my children wake up the sun and harass the rooster, so getting up before my children for any reason is a non-starter. Also, scheduling this time later in the day and requiring my kids to respect it teaches them 3 very important things:

1. The world does not revolve around me and I need to respect what others need even when it is inconvenient.
2. My mom’s relationship with the Lord is really important.
3. My relationship with the Lord is important and I have the right to prioritize it.

4. Remember that this is not time for serving, it is a time for you to be served.

Sometimes I read/pray for the entire time. Sometimes I read my bible and pray for some of the time, and then just sit quietly and do literally nothing for the rest of the time. Sometimes I lay down on the couch, close my eyes and actually rest my body. No matter how I spend the time, it’s with the Lord. I talk to him. I listen to him. I rest with him. Quietly. Very often, I journal our conversations. This is time to let the Lord’s presence fill you up. His spirit is ministering to you right now.

Come away with me to a secret place and rest for a while. Mark 6:31

Some days go better than others. I aim to spend time with the Lord at the same time every day, but I can’t always. That’s ok. Some days I only get a few minutes. Some days I don’t get any time at all. That’s ok too. Sometimes our best laid plans just don’t work out. Jesus has grace to spare, even while he is teaching us how to handle it when our much needed rest doesn’t happen (hint: read the rest of Mark chapter 6), but for now, just give him what you can, even if it’s only 10-15 minutes. Begin again tomorrow.

Maybe you’re in a different boat then me. Maybe your children are grown and you’re now finding yourself with lots of quiet time with the Lord. Don’t feel guilty about that, enjoy it! I don’t feel guilty every time I go to the ballot box to vote, that right was hard won for me and I don’t apologize for it, and you shouldn’t either…(but if you’d like to spend some of that prayer time on those of us still living in zoos, we’d be grateful) 😉