No matter who we are, or where live, no matter our our background, our age, our race, our gender, our personality or our status, the one thing we all need to be whole, is love. The need to be loved is woven into the very fabric of our design, but because we show and recieve love so differently, and the world has diluted and distorted it so drastically, the only way to know what is true about love is to go back to the original and ultimate source.
What does the Bible say about love?
HOW DOES THE BIBLE DEFINE LOVE?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 gives us a clear definition of love:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always perseveres. Love never fails.
(NIV)
This passage clearly defines love as two distinct traits: patient and kind. The rest of the passage describes what love looks like in action, but there are only two words that define what love actually is:
Patient
Love is not in a hurry. Love takes the time that is required and doesn’t mind. Have you ever noticed that Jesus was never in a hurry? He never rushed, even to the discomfort and frustration of others! More than once, he was urged to hurry because a life was believed to be hanging in the balance, and yet, he did not hurry. He was busy, but never in a hurry. The people he was with always got his full attention for however long it was needed!
Kind
Love is gentle, helpful, and intent on benefit over profit. It goes so much deeper than just “being nice.” Being nice is a surface level action. Kindness is a genuine motivation of heart, a quality of character. It is not merely outward behaviour, but a marker of identity, when it is universally and indiscriminately shown to all people, at all times, in all circumstances. Kindness is not weakness. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Kindness is the immeasurable strength of an inner character refined by fire and unwavered by the storms of injustice or the moral failings of others.
Basically, love is gentle and unhurried. When I think of moments when I have been unloving to my family, they are almost always times when I treated them harshly because I was rushed or hurried. Hurry is the enemy of patience. And, impatience is the enemy of kindness. Therefore,
Hurry is the enemy of love.
Steve Biddulph
WHAT DOES LOVE LOOK LIKE?
We’ve all heard the adage that “actions speak louder than words,” and it’s true. Actions and words are two distinctly different languages. So how do we communicate love with action? What does genuine love actually look like?
It is content
Love is satisfied with what it has. It does not look around at what others have, or who others are, and wish to have what they have, wish to be like them. Love is fulfilled. Love is secure.
Am I envious? Jealous? Constantly looking around and comparing myself with others? How am I measuring my success? My relationships? Am I comfortable with who I am? Can I allow others to be who they are without feeling threatened or less-than?
It is humble
Love doesn’t brag. It is not prideful or full of itself. Love does not puff itself up and think itself better, bigger, higher, or “righter” than others. But neither does it think less of itself. True humility is not seeing ourselves as low in value, but rather low in position.
Am I teachable? Do I consider myself “above” correction in certain areas or by certain people? What qualifies someone to speak into my life? What makes others worthy of my respect? What makes me worthy of theirs?
It is honouring
Love has integrity. It is fair. It is honest. It treats others with respect and dignity. It does not dishonour others. It does not insult, disgrace or shame.
This holds hands with humility. If I consider all others to be equal to me in value and dignity, regardless of their position, education, understanding or opinion, then I must protect their dignity as a human regardless of their behaviour.
It is self-sacrificial
Love is not consumed with it’s own ambition. It does not indulge it’s own desires or seek it’s own advantage to the detriment of others. Instead, love willingly surrenders it’s own rights, ambitions and luxuries for the good and care of another.
There are a lot of people in a lot of places holding signs and raising fists for their “rights.” But this is not how I see Jesus demonstrating love. Love willingly lays down it’s own rights for the wellbeing of others.
It is slow to anger
Love does not have a short temper. It is not quickly or easily provoked. It is not consumed by rage.
It forgives
Love does not hold on to bitterness and resentment. It does not hold a grudge or keep score. It seeks healing over revenge, mercy over punishment, grace over judgement.
It rejoices with the truth
Love does not get pleasure out of lies, injustice, malice or harm. It takes delight in what is right, and what is good. Love rejoices in the truest and deepest truth.
It is true that I am a sinner, with no way to redeem myself, but what is even truer of me, is that I am loved. Wonderfully, fearfully, beautifully made for the pleasure of being known, and called worthy of redemption by the One who paid for it. Love recognizes the first truth, but rejoices in the deeper truth.
It perseveres
Love does not give up. It is persistent. It maintains it’s purpose despite difficulty, obstacles or discouragement. It soldiers on.
It never fails
Love will never be a lost cause. It will never be ineffective. It will not be derailed, lost, or misplaced. It will always reach it’s target. It is the greatest earthly investment you can make with the highest eternal dividends. Love is never wasted.
LOVE IS NOT POSSIBLE WITHOUT GOD
If this definition of love seems impossible, that’s because it is. Human beings do not have the capacity to love like this consistently on our own. The intrinsic substance of love itself is sacrifice. Genuine love is sacrificial. Since the intrinsic instinct of humans is selfishness, (ever tried to teach a toddler to share?), our very nature is in direct opposition to the very nature of love. The good news is that God knows this, and does not expect us to accomplish it in our own strength.
“We love because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19
He goes first. God shows us His love in countless ways. And He not only shows us how to love, but he makes us able.
What are some of the ways that the genuine love of someone in your life has impacted you?