This morning I tried to have 20-30 minutes of time with the Lord for 2 hours. After 2 hours and 20 minutes, I hadn’t yet made it through one chapter in my Bible and hadn’t prayed a word. The interruptions were CONSTSANT. Friends, today is a hard day. I am just so done. I am done with stupid COVID. I am done with social distancing, with missing my friends, with missing church, and I am definitely done with school closures! I’m tired. I’m frustrated. And I feel like I’m failing at all of this.
Finally, after almost 3 hours of unsuccessfully trying to quiet my house and my heart, I got 10 minutes in the living room by myself, and prayed this short prayer:
“Lord, I want these kids back in school! I love them, and we’ve had some lovely moments, but I desperately miss my personal space. I miss the quiet. I miss you. I’m sooo tired, Lord. Please help me! Help me stay patient. Help me stay kind. Help me remember that they’re just kids. I know they are blessings, but right now they feel like obstacles. Help me see their smallness, and remember my own. Give me eyes to see you and ears to hear you in the messy, ordinary and even frustrating moments of this day. I need your peace. I need your presence. Protect them from my imperfections, and heal them from my failures, even as you are healing and transforming me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.“
If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that wherever you are, and whatever you are feeling, you are not the only one. So, I’m sharing this struggle of mine this morning here with you, and this little prayer. Maybe through these words you can feel my hand reaching for yours. Let’s kneel here together, in the midst of our everyday ashes, and share in the wonder of what beautiful things God can make out of even these.
May you be blessed today, precious friend. God is not disappointed in you. You are not alone. You are not a lost cause. You’re just small, and as it turns out, that’s the perfect thing to be.
Have you heard this song? And this one? I’ll be listening to these on repeat today.
Lavona says
I am so glad to hear I’m not the only one like this and I don’t have any small children. If you ever need a break or even a couple of hrs let me know I think I could work something out to help out. Love you girl and Want you to know your not alone.
Jennifer says
Oh Lavona, how kind, thank you so much! We’re ok for now but I will definitely keep that in mind! 😉